Often when I make a decision I ask myself if I like my reason, but then I am skeptical toward myself about where I am coming from in liking my reason. For example, am I liking my reason because it’s what I want or is it because of what’s right for the type of human I want to be.
For example, I don’t get along well with my sister and my elderly mother lives with her. It’s awkward to go visit my mom for this reason, but I had been visiting her pre-COVID, which was very uncomfortable. At the time, I told myself it’s the consequences of choosing to visit my mom, because I decided it was important to visit her over being comfortable and liked that reason. Now that COVID is a factor, it’s easy to have an excuse not to go there for my mom’s safety and my own, especially since I don’t know if my sister has been as careful as I have because we are not in communication and from past history I know we’ve rarely had the same concept of safety where my mother is concerned.
So, so far I have chosen not to go visit her and it’s a big relief not to have to deal with my sister, but also my mom’s memory is bad so even when I have gone to visit her she doesn’t always remember. My main reason for not going has been safety, but I am suspicious of myself because it feels so comfortable not to go.
I guess my ultimate question is: how can you trust the practice of “liking your reason” knowing that the brain will want to defer to comfort?