Limbo Land

I was doing a thought download and I’m having trouble getting out of the pain. I have been trying all week, and I can’t seem to find a way out of it.

Back story: Boyfriend wants to move out of the house. I asked him not to multiple times and he said he would stay. We haven’t talked to each other since. We don’t acknowledge each other, we don’t communicate, I don’t know if the dogs have been fed or walked or anything because we just don’t talk. He’s leaving for the weekend and I didn’t even know that – had to find that out through a friend.

My thoughts: He should want to talk to me and figure this out. It’s been a week. He should want to create a solution if he wants to stay in this relationship. He’s being extremely disrespectful by ignoring me and not talking to me when we’re living together. He doesn’t care about me. He said that he doesn’t care to think about the situation or care to come to a solution and he doesn’t know when he will be ready. He only cares about himself right now because he knows this is bringing me a lot of pain and struggle internally. He’s the worst boyfriend ever and I don’t even know if he’s my boyfriend right now. I asked him if we’re still in a relationship and he said “I don’t know.” He doesn’t want me anymore. He doesn’t want me in his life and he doesn’t love me anymore. He makes me feel like I’m unforgivable like I can’t do anything right because I keep asking him to talk to me and he keeps saying he needs space and he doesn’t want to talk and to stop asking him, and like I’m the worst human being on the planet. I don’t think I deserve to be treated this way. I deserve an answer out of respect for myself and my healing process. I want the pain to go away, the pain of the unknown, and what is going to happen, whether we’re going to be together or not. I want to know what’s going to happen. I want to know whether or not he’s staying or leaving. I want to know if I’m single or not. I feel stuck in limbo at the mercy of someone else’s decisions. I feel lost. I feel disrespected. I feel very alone. I want this nightmare to end. I want to stop feeling pain and start healing my heart. I want him to forgive me and move on. I hate feeling so helpless and out of control. I miss our relationship so much.