First, just let me say it was so wonderful meeting you in person this weekend at the modelthon in Dallas. Thank you for an incredible weekend, it changed my life!
You coached be live regarding my anxiety around my husband going out of town and leaving me to single-parent my five-year-old. As you recall it completely moved away from my husband and turned into the truth, which was my own anxiety around my mother’s suicide and my experience with postpartum depression. That really was the truth of it so I’m glad we got there! I know I said it out loud that I had some fear around wondering if my mother’s suicide and her thoughts regarding that decision could affect me and my thoughts around my own situation, wondering if that kind of mental instability could be genetic. It was very helpful to run that model with you live because it opened my eyes to a different way of thinking. I really appreciated that you called attention to my thought “She did the best that she could.” When you suggested that that thought wasn’t serving me in a positive way it made me a bit defensive at first. You suggested the thought “what if she didn’t do the best that she could?” That was hard to hear. That really made me rethink her decision. I think what I’ve always wanted to believe was that this was her only option that she had at that moment in time and that she loved me no matter what. But when I realized when I went through my intense postpartum anxiety state, I also did “the best that I could” to survive it. I can see now that there are a lot of parallels between my thinking around my own situation and her situation. As I re-think the entire postpartum depression that I went through, I realize that I made completely different choices when I was in that state of mind, thank goodness! I realized that I had lots of choices when I felt unstable, overwhelmed, anxious, and incapable. My choice was to pull myself out of it, be strong and get the help I knew I needed. It was a horrible time in my life but I truly believe it made me who I am today and much much stronger than I ever thought I could be. I think working with you and your techniques has really helped me realize that I am very strong, and that if something like this were to happen to me again I would know how to get myself out of it. I was worried that I may have tendencies to fall into a similar thought pattern that my mother was faced with so many years ago but now I realize that she had her choices and she chose to end it, and I had my choices and I chose to pull myself up and move forward. This was very incredible to feel like I could be stronger for myself and for my family.
Although I know my mother loved me deeply, I do believe that she felt like taking her own life was her only option, or at least the option that made the most sense to her life. I do not blame her and there is no anger there, but I do know without a doubt that I could never make that same decision for my own life, and that’s where we are not the same.
I know now that I can overcome anything that life sends my way. I always reflect on that one podcast where you mentioned that we are dealt a hand in life, and if life sends you something very difficult or challenging and you are able to overcome, you will be stronger on the other side. Your brain has truly developed to be a stronger brain versus someone who has never experienced that hardship at all.
Thank you for helping me see through my own insecurities around this issue. I have truly grown so much this year in so many different ways and I just want to thank you for everything that you’ve helped me work through and making my mind stronger and more capable to handle any emotion that comes my way.
I love you Brooke! Will see you soon on one of the calls and future modelthons!