Living Big or Living Small

When I signed up for coaching I wanted to work for the Life Coach School. I wanted to coach my face off and work for LCS. My impossible goal!

I realised, while I was doing the work, that I wanted to do this because I thought it would make me feel better. More worthy. More accomplished. I noticed envy coming up when I was talking to my sister, who is also a coach and took it to mean that it was something that I wanted for myself.

I realised during this process that I could feel better NOW. I didn’t have to wait to be an LCS coach to feel better; in fact it was almost certain that I wouldn’t feel better. The 50/50 would be on the other side of that. And so I did the work to feel better NOW. I cultivated being pleased with myself when I accomplished things and feeling pleased with myself when I felt “horrible” feelings. And I’m doing it. I’m feeling pleased with myself when I achieve my goals and I’m feeling pleased with myself when I allow myself to feel shame, irritation, outrage… all the juicy ones!!

I’m creating tools for myself that are really working and am loving the process of working on my relationship with myself. I’m constraining my work to my relationship with myself and I don’t really want to coach. I’m loving the space that I have in my day to do the work on me, think about it, do it again, think about it again, learn more, share it with my coachy friends and mentors and stick to my timetable for myself. I’m doing pretty much what I was doing before but everything I do is effortless and I’m pleased with myself ahead of time for sticking to what I plan to do.

I’m bringing this to you because I told myself terrible things for the first 60 years of my life, that I completely believed, and though I have a completely different relationship with myself now I know that you will pick up on it if there’s even 1% bull shit. I question myself when I hear everyone saying that we should be living big not living small and my answer to that is I’m living massively by feeling my feelings, one teeny feeling at a time.

This doesn’t mean that I won’t eventually coach, for LCS or someone else, but it means that I’m allowing myself the time. I’m not in a hurry to feel better because I feel fantastic now and envy doesn’t come up when I see my peers or siblings “getting along”. I’m getting along in leaps and bounds.