Loneliness


Hi Brooke,

Yesterday, I went to the movies with some friends, 2 of whom have just started dating. On the one hand, I find them really cute together and I’m very happy for them. But on the other hand, when I came home from the movie theater, I felt a huge wave of loneliness wash over me and just sat on my couch, crying. So I have 2 “conflicting” models about this circumstance, one positive and one negative. But I haven’t been able to fill in all the lines.

Positive model
C Friends dating
T They’re so cute together
F Happy
A ?
R ?

Negative model
C Friends dating
T I still haven’t met someone to love
F Lonely
A Crying
R

Even if I have listened to your podcast about how to feel, I’m still unsure of when I have truly accepted the unpleasant feeling, before I can move on to creating a more positive one for myself. In this example, my feeling of loneliness was so strong that it was almost like the grief I’d feel if I lost the man I love. Which is really weird, because I haven’t met him yet, and that’s why, sometimes, I feel lonely. I’m totally confused. Isn’t letting myself cry the sign that I accept my current sadness? The problem is that I thought accepting an unpleasant feeling would make me feel empowered. But right now, I’m feeling totally helpless. My love has been turned down twice recently. Even if I’m more than grateful to still count both guys as very good friends, I can’t help but think: Is there something in my attitude that pushes men away? They both told me they loved my joyfulness, but I have no clue of why they weren’t interested. I have the impression that things flow “naturally” for some prople when they’re dating. It doesn’t seem to happen that way for me, even if I’m open and don’t beat around the bush when I really like someone.
I asked much more than one question in the end. Thanks a lot for your help.