I’ve been coached a couple of times and have also spent many hours coaching myself on relationships involving friends and family. The familiar complaint is about how I’m always the one initiating contact, I’m always the one trying to make dates to be together, and I’m the one keeping the connection. When in reality there are logical reasons why I’m more often the one who reaches out. I’m still focused on the possible negative causes. In coaching, the idea of our primitive brain telling us we need to be part of a tribe or we will die as Brooke has taught came up.
I had an epiphany yesterday where all these thoughts came together. Looking back on my life, by this point I assumed I would have my own tribe. Children, children in law, grandchildren etc. That all ended up being medically impossible. I think I’ve spent the last several years looking for that tribe by grabbing onto my sister and her kids, my cousin and her kids, or wanting to be as tight with my friends are as they are with each other even though they’ve known each other 30 years and I’ve only known them for 5, and many more similar situations. This was compounded by having a job that kept me moving from one city to another all my adult life.
I’ve been reacting less to the reality of situations than to the primal fear that I’m not part of a tribe of my own. This realization is making me feel less negative emotion and more fascination that I could be driven by something so primitive. This is all new information to my brain. So I hope I was able to articulate it well enough to make sense. At this point I’m just trying to understand it. Your thoughts are appreciated.