Hi Brooke,

I have an older relative who is going through some mental health issues but is not currently getting treatment. I make sure I visit her often but over the years she has becoming increasingly negative around me. She barely says hello or goodbye to me and only acknowledges my young daughter. Regardless I continue to visit her because I know seeing my child is a highlight in her life.

Recently she had an outburst in my direction that included her yelling, slamming doors, crying and pushing me all with my child asleep in the next room. The whole incident left me thinking I don’t want to visit with her anymore unless she is getting some kind of medical help to help her deal with her anger because I don’t want to be in a situation like that nor have my child around that kind of behaviour.

Here is the Unintentional Model:
C: Incident with relative
T: How dare she treat me like that after all the trouble I go to for her sake
F: disrespected, angry
A: stop calling and visiting
R: create a rift with her and other family members who let her get away with that kind of behaviour because she is older

When I do the intentional model, I want to feel peaceful but I don’t know that just letting the cycle continue and putting up with her behaviour will create that but I don’t know if I could feel peaceful cutting her out of my life and angering my other family members.
Would love some help.