Losing My Father

Hi Brooke,

I lost my dad in an accident 7.5 years ago, when I was a junior in high school. Now I am in my mid twenties, and I still feel like I am just now coming to terms with it. Most days I am fine, almost numb– I don’t really allow myself to think about it much because every time I do, I go down this rabbit hole of just being so emotional, sad, and depressed. I have realized I try to fill my time with people (that sometimes aren’t the best influences for me), date guys that don’t necessarily live up to my standard, and I buffer with hanging out with whoever I can so that I don’t have to be alone and feel the pain of my thoughts when I am alone. However, sometimes these feelings do come up and I just absoultely lose it. I can’t get anything done for hours when this happens. I mainly get emotional when my mom gets upset, and I can’t help but feel so sad for her that she lost her soulmate. I also have a fear that this is going to happen to me in my life whenever I find my person (if I find them). I also can tell that I’m standing in my own way of success. My dad used to be my go-to person for everything so I almost feel like without his advice and him guiding me I don’t know how to move forward or create a business of my own (which is my dream). I know this is such a limiting belief but I can’t get past it and stay in confusion and then just choose to buffer instead.

I know I’m all over the place with this and I just don’t even know how to start sorting out all my thoughts around my dad and his death. I am finally to the place where I feel willing to feel these feelings that I have supressed for so long, even though it feels awful. I’m trying to accept the fact that life is 50/50, and that this is part of the bad. But I also can’t shake the feeling that the life I was supposed to live and that my mom was supposed to have was stolen from us. I don’t even really know what I’m asking except for maybe how I can start to sort out all of my thoughts. Whenever I do a model, I get mad because I don’t know how to choose any other thoughts than the ones I’m thinking. Any advice would really help. Thank you.