Hello, I’m still lost with boundaries and manual.
My boyfriends way of speaking is by understatement (litote in french) that is for example: this cake is not that bad, this is not completely wrong, this dress is not ugly, and so on… 1) I am ok to let it be that way 2)I am not ok to hear this all time because it imprints my mind with negative words (in the example, bad, wrong, ugly) and I know that as I constant after time spent together, my mind propose me down thoughts, and I have like no energy even if I had a great time. So: shall I say “If you keep doing so, I will leave back home or stop the phone call” which for me sounds as a boundary definition of me acting to protect myself without expecting anything, AND that sounds so much as a punishment (I would never say that to an adult!), or as a blackmail ‘if you keep doing so, I will leave and we won’t talk and spend as much time together, and even not at all if I do respect this boundary closely’. And this sounds like “If you don’t change, I leave you”= “if you keep doing, I leave,” and this is the definition of the manual : trying to change the person and worst, making punishment on it. Plus, needing that the person change to feel good, or leaving to feel good, that is being dependent to the person’s behavior. I’m agree on the principle to protect one-self, but each time I pick up a situation, I really don’t see how to practice, not being blackmailing nor having a manual. Trying again to clear up things and bringing understanding into my life,
Thank you for your time,