Love and desire

I joined SCS in July and I’m so thankful for all you give and teach and show. Truly amazing, thank you.
For many years of my marriage I have felt that I lacked the kind of love that I thought a wife would feel for a husband, or at least the love that I have felt for my husband of 37 years. I married at 20 after knowing him for a very short time, and I didn’t know myself. We have four amazing children and four even more amazing grandchildren. When I listened to your podcast Love 2.0 and you said it’s really the only lesson that matters, the secret of the universe, it hit me hard. I thought about love so differently after that, thank you. In August, I knew that part of my purpose would be to love because I so want to overcome my struggles; lots of fear, insecurity and pain around love in marriage, in part from seeing three and four broken marriages each for my mom and dad. I’ve done all the family of origin work, and have done a lot of healing. Thankfully, I have been blessed with a good man who loves me in spite of this. I have not wanted to give up.

My purpose is: to be present and love. For the week 3 assignment, my area of focus is in my relationships, especially with myself and my marriage. I brainstormed 16 ideas of how to accomplish this. GREAT exercise, along with week 2 assignment, and the daily homework is helping me feel more love/loving with myself and with him. The question: can I feel genuine love, but lack desire for my husband? I stopped fighting the lack a long while ago but feel guilty. I find myself telling great stories about him, that helps. Still, I don’t feel, and not sure I have ever felt a desire for him. I know I am attracted to men, that’s not the issue. I’ve carried much pain for years over this lack of love/desire issue, and I know he has felt it it from me also, very sad. Are love and desire connected? Thanks for your help.