Love in intentional and unintentional models

Hearing Brooke’s videos on how we create the feeling of love for other people through our thoughts, I am questioning the idea of authentic attraction to others.
I feel like my attraction to men is always in an intentional model, and attraction to women is in unintentional models. This creates a sense of shame for me. If both models can create the feeling of love, does how the thought originated matter? My brain says yes.

I put a lot of pressure on myself in my adolescence and early adulthood to like men and remember sitting down to concentrate on intentional models and harshly practising thinking the thoughts until I created a feeling of love. Are all thoughts created equal? To an extent I know I can choose what to make it mean – I just want to be more accepting of myself and not be fake or ingenuine (but still fit in with others and be relatable to straight friends). For context, I am in a long term relationship with a man and am struggling to mentally accept my bisexuality and not judge myself for it – lots of my thoughts about others seem to be founded on this judgement of myself, “they’re too boy crazy” / “all they talk about is boys” / “they’re obsessed with men and it’s annoying”.

I don’t know what to put in my model, but the circumstance is I listened to Love 2.0 then went to a night club and met someone who dated a girl from my school. I said, “I used to have a crush on her” and was surprised at the memory because I didn’t consciously acknowledge it at the time. Then I started questioning how very conscious and intentional my love for men had been in the past, even the beginning of my current relationship. Would love some help making sense of this, thank you!