Love interest is leaving.


I am having trouble coming up with a thought that will generate more feelings of security and the results I want in the current circumstance with the guy I am seeing. I know the feelings, actions, and result I want to have… and the thoughts I brainstormed to generate more feelings of security aren’t really resonating.

Unmanaged mind:
Circumstance: The guy I have been going out with is leaving for 3 months for work, and family.
Thought: He will lose interest and I will never see him again.
Feeling: panicked.
Action: I give him an ultimatum before he leaves and tell him he needs to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with me or not. All or nothing. I check my phone anxiously to see if he has texted me. I worry that I will never see him again. I eat junk food. I don’t make him a care package for him like I was planning to. I am anxious and demanding.
Result: I am not present with him during our last week together. He feels suffocated, and I increase the likelihood that the relationship will end.

Managed mind:
Circumstance: The guy I have been going out with is leaving for 3 months for work, and family.
THOUGHT: ?? It’s possible that distance can bring us closer???? I need help coming up with a better thought that actually generates a feeling of security.
Feeling: Secure
Action: I am really present with him this last week we are together. I am supportive, and loving towards him. I write him a letter and make a care package to send him away with. I build up my life even more while he is away. I can calmly talk about a plan with him about how to stay connected with the distance.
Result: We enjoy our last week together. We have a loving, committed relationship and we grow even closer while he is away.

Thanks for your help!