Loving two people

I have been in a loving relationship for about 6months. Before I met him I was dating someone who played me pretty good. That person came back as soon as I established the relationship I’m in currently. I’ve mostly ignored him but he’s become more and more persistent and I am majorly conflicted. I would like to find the open, loving, slow path to figuring this out. Mostly I’ve been sick with thoughts of losing or hurting my boyfriend, and have to admit, likewise a sense of loss and sadness with losing and hurting my other friend. I’m trying to answer the question: what do I need to think to feel open and loving, especially to myself right now so I can begin to figure this out? I had been really thriving, having a loving, trusting relationship had afforded me much benefit, making huge strides in business, health, and fitness goals… since this triangle has kinda reared its head, I am unable to focus, buffering, just literally making myself sick. Unable to access love, trust, or intimacy, in myself. Thank you in advance.