This is going to seem like a minor dealio but for some reason it is consuming my brain with anxiety: I have a friendly acquaintance who I have known for 25 years who is pestering (his word) me to have lunch. I am not in great touch with this person anymore and “catching up” with someone I haven’t seen in 3 or 4 years fills me with profound dread.

I find myself constraining my friend circle lately, and I’m not depleted like I was when I was saying yes to everyone and everything. Which makes me feel so great. So. I don’t want to have this lunch. If I look at it as a purchase where I am the currency, I ask myself, “Will I be happy that I spent myself on this experience?” and the answer is a clear no. That being said, I’m still wrestling with feeling guilty that I SHOULD want to “catch up” because I’ve known this person for so long and he’s a nice person. But, man, I don’t. CAPITAL DO CAPITAL NOT. Couple of models I’m monkeying around with:

C Say no to lunch with X
T Wow, you’re a bitch. It’s just a freaking meal.
F Guilty
A Cave in and have lunch
R Miserable lunch. Miserable me.

C Say no to lunch with X
T I only spend myself on people who fill me up.
F Empowered
A Don’t cave, I say no to X.
R I respect myself for taking care of me.

Thoughts? Thank you so much, Brooke.