Lying and cheating husband


I am new in scholars but have listened to a lot of podcasts, especially the ones about love and relationship. My husband of 15 years told me 2 months ago that he had a one-night-stand and because of it, he is with one foot out the door of our relationship, to 60% he wants to leave. He said he was pleasing me for the last 15 years, and that I am a selfish person, that we only did what I wanted, never what he wanted, Now he wants to be selfish himself, that woman is 20 years younger, he says there is no future with her but he is intrigued by her and sexually attracted to her.

Yesterday he went to one of his events (where he had met her last June) but assured me that she will not be there. His words: I told her not to come because I want to save my marriage. But because I saw some text messages on his phone (we never had secrets before so it was normal for us to be on each other’s phone) I knew he was lying, that she was coming. I confronted him with that, he said no she is not coming, don’t worry. But I know different, I know she is there now with him, in the same tent for the next 10 days…. I feel sad, devastated, and disgusted that he lied to me and that he does what he does without considering our 15 year marriage. How can I do the model on this and get to a point where I feel better about this and get my power back?

C: he has an affair with a 20-year younger woman, he lies
T: he should not lie to me and cheat on me
F: devastated, sad, shocked, disgusted, baffled (that he lies in my face like this)
A: I asked him to come home NOW if I or our relationship still means anything
R: ? I don’t know what he is going to do, I haven’t heard back

I understand I am completely disempowered like this. I am shocked, for 15 years I thought we were in a happy relationship. He always said I was the love of his life, the best wife ever. Now he says he was 15 years unhappy because he pleased me and we only did what I wanted. I have no idea where to go from here, we have a home, a business, animals, a whole life together, I moved from Europe to North America for him and now I am 51 and stand infront of a shattered life.

Thanks for listening.