Made it through…

A few weeks ago I posted about a very difficult day that was coming up for our family. It was my son’s 17th Birthday, which was also the first Anniversary of his Dad’s unexpected death, and also his Dad’s Birthday. Triple whammy.

I had been dreading it. Tried every which way I could think of to make it easier on my 4 kids. Modeled and thought downloaded until I couldn’t see straight anymore. Your advice was just to love them. Which I did.

I didn’t do any of the things I had thought about planning to avoid the pain. Just let it all be there. Sat right through it and loved on my kids. Just went with the day/weekend (we went to Port Aransas to our traditional family rental house that we’ve been going to since the kids were little), and loved on them. My husband, one of his sons, my parents, and my sister came too.

Were there tears? Of course. But also long walks alone and with each other. Hugs and lots of love. Healing. The beach has a way of doing that for the soul. And there was great reminiscing and laughter too. We just were there through it with each other and have all come out the other side of it better. Loving each other hard!

It’s like reaching the end of a really intense adventure novel….and finally closing the back cover on it.
Putting the memories, old pictures, and stories up on the shelf.
We all know we can still access them anytime we want to, but we don’t have to live in the drama of the loss day to day anymore.

The kids are all doing great and headed back to their friends and school and soccer and marching band practice. And I’ve turned a corner. I’m getting myself back. Which feels great! I haven’t felt this good and had this much energy for my family and my business since our divorce, 6 years ago. Part of that is from the work I did in Scholars in July on rewriting the story of my relationship, marriage, and divorce from my kids’ dad. It’s complicated and was painful, but I’ve found a way to let go of all that and just love through it. I decided that it all happened just the way it was supposed to.

My soundtrack during the month of July started with an angry Vertical Horizon’s “I’m Still Here” —

“If you were right and I was wrong, why are you the one who’s gone, and I’m still here?!?!”

but it ended up at Five for Fighting’s “One More for Love.”

“There’s a reason to believe that we got it right.”

Thank you so very much for your coaching and for this program, and for teaching us all how to love.