My relationship with my mother is very important to me (On purpose. She’s an inspiring person, who has given me so much and whom I really value and want in my life.) She is also a person who is driven heavily by her emotions, without understanding their cause. As I learn new ways to manage my own mind, I find myself even more curious about her mind too. But she doesn’t like it when I think about her in that way.

For example, we recently had lunch together. She told me (in a strong, somewhat stressed tone) that she really needed to start creating more boundaries in her life. She needed to protect her own interests. I commented that this seemed like a big shift for her (she’s usually very motivated to please others). I thought it was a great idea for her to value her own interests, but asked what was causing the shift for her. She couldn’t articulate/didn’t know what had changed. She just insisted that she was doing putting up boundaries to protect herself because it was fair. Because she deserved it. Because I was still curious, I said, “Hmmm… I wonder if this shift might be happening now because you got so burnt out over the last several months as you were taking care of grandma (her mom recently died of cancer.” And I suggested a couple other things that might have contributed to a shift in her thinking.

She interpreted my questions a being an interrogation. She felt like I was treating her too analytically and as “something to be fixed”.

How can I reconcile my new, purposefully analytic approach to understanding my own thinking, with the fact that my mom doesn’t want to be understood in this way? On one hand, I don’t feel like I can have a deep relationship with my mom without understanding her beyond the surface. On the other hand, I don’t want to push her away when I probe.

I’m sure I’m not the first person who’s had to navigate these challenges as their thinking evolves in SCS. Would value some advice!