Maintaining systems

I have a pattern of being disorganized and resistant to maintaining systems. This manifests as a messy house – messy kitchen, messy bedroom, messy living room etc. I see it in other places too like resistance to keeping a schedule. The result is I live in chaos. The resistant thoughts are: I’m tired, I don’t feel like it, It’s too hard, I don’t have time, I’ll do it later. Or maybe that I’m sacrificing my free time to organize. And then I put it off. I really want to break this cycle but it feels deeply entrenched and I’m struggling with it. How can I move forward on this?

C – my house
T – I don’t want to
F – resistant
A – I don’t clean the house, distract myself make more messes
R- I live in chaos

Why am I fighting and resisting myself? Maybe it’s rooted in a childhood that was abusive where cleaning was prioritized. Help is appreciated!