Hi Brooke,
I am sharing my next learning- about making and keeping commitments to myself.

In the past much of what I’ve done was for approval or for validation.

Right now in my daily life, I have no one approving or disapproving of me, or really even caring what I do (as long as I do no harm)

The model I have been examining is:
T-nothing I do matters anyway, no one cares, I am irrelevant
F-sadness, apathy
A- stuck in molasses
R-nothing gets done and I become irrelevant

This is very passive, dependent, reactive thinking. It is “learned helplessness”. Also, it resonates with my wish for “permission to succeed”-I am only powerful if others need me to be powerful. Otherwise I am powerless.

Perhaps in my current circumstance it’s true right now, perhaps nothing (positive) that I do matters to a specific set of people around me, at this moment (as may have been the case as a child). Perhaps it doesn’t matter -what I do and don’t do- to this specific set of people in this one specific circumstance, in this one point in time- good things won’t likely happen with them.

However, this thinking is very short sighted. I am not looking long term enough and I am being too linear. Specifically, it does not account for what can happen beyond this one specific set of people or this one point in time.

It is a thought error to generalize to any one set of circumstances and to prevent me from making good things happen going forward. It is also a thought error to give my power over to anyone else, letting them create my life rather than me. In fact it really doesn’t matter if anyone else cares, does it?

For example perhaps this one specific circumstance will likely not change so I accept it with some neutrality. But, everything I do- everything I think, say or act- does matter, and does impact things happening around and even within the circumstance- we never know who we will meet, what we will learn, what new things will grow, what magic can occur-new things are always happening

I believe that good things are most likely to happen when we bring the best of ourselves to bear to every circumstance, when we bring our personal magic to every circumstance.

C- Circumstances
T- I promise myself I will strive to bring the best of myself to circumstances no matter what, because good things are always in the making, even if I don’t yet know what or when.
F-committed
A- I plan my behaviors and my values accordingly- I spend some quality time with myself determining what protocol I will proceed forward with for renewed commitment and to help me achieve these aspirations
ad then I implement and I create an environment where good things will occur.
R- Good things will happen.

C-Creating good things
T-I am determined to give my best in everything I think, everything I say and everything I do, because I know that by so doing I will create good things, although I cannot always predict what the good things are or when they will show up
F-determined
A- I design and follow a plan I create for having impact in the moment according to what is my best in what I think, say and do, and I visualize, daydream and act upon this new way of being, without dependency on the outcomes
R-I will make good things happen

C- Circumstances
T-I always give my best and I never give up
F-Excited, committed
A-I give my best and I keep on giving.
R- Great outcomes

C-Validation
T-I only need my worth, actions and beliefs to be validated by myself
F- Free
A-Explore ways to validate myself, remember to consciously choose my thoughts
R-Self-propelled choices

Thanks, would like to hear your thoughts