Making My Husband’s Behavior Neutral

Hi. I have a lot of thoughts about my husband and I need help making his behavior neutral because I’m judging it as negative or not right. Examples: “He doesn’t engage when I raise an issue” “He’s defensive” He doesn’t listen. I don’t know how I want to feel about these things because I don’t see how I can feel any other way. So having trouble creating intentional models. Thanks!