Male dominated work, "hard" things


I would love some UM feedback as well as suggestions for doing an IM or new thoughts.

C: I work in an engineering office. I have one assignment to do reports, cost estimates for projects due 7/16. It’s 6/9.
T: It’s hard to be interested in technical things including my work because I’ve absorbed the messaging I shouldn’t be interested in these things.
F: Anger
A:
Ruminate about: sexism being unfair, my career choice, what’s wrong with me for having all male dominated interests, that I’m lazy and/or emotionally exhausted
Catastrophize that I will never learn what I want to know about within engineering so there is no point in trying, that I can’t handle and engineering job and I’ll go back to working at Starbucks
Don’t get curious about work or do work
Research other traditionally female dominated careers
Don’t talk to coworkers/isolate myself
Don’t do thoughtwork
Do other things at work to buffer
Don’t study for professional engineer license exam
Judge all of my coworkers as being privileged and better than me
R: I make the experience of being interested in technical things hard because I have this thought.

I have been practicing the new T: “Women can be interested in anything” which has been great, but I think another element to this may be the T that it’s “hard”. I have other UMs about “hard things” and a manual that says going through hard things or struggles marks a good or strong person, which isn’t useful.

Suggestions on where to go from here?