C: 4 year old says “mama, I’m sorry you couldn’t call.” When I called and soon-to-be-ex husband didn’t answer phone.
T: He is such a jerk
F: Angry
A: spend time in angry fuming thoughts, feel frustrating when interacting with daughter so don’t connect as well. Think how I have no idea how to respond to this.
R: I’m not showing up for myself – or my daughter in the way I want to.

There are several T’s, so others are:
T: That is not what is happening
F: sad
A: upset and not connecting with daughter the way I want, not feeling the emotions I want to feel when I am with her
R: not showing up the way I want

T: daughter is criticizing me that I should do something different.
F: defensive
A: think of all the things I do/have done for her, urge to explain myself but feel trapped that I can’t.
R: not showing up for daughter the way I want

Intentional Model (how is this?)
T: How can I show up for my daughter even when she says I’ve missed her
F: empowered
A: brain tries to think of options and alternatives
R: have options for showing up the way I want.