Managing circumstance – NEVER question the person about their behavior?

Hi Brooke- Love the live coaching! I’m struggling with the concept that no matter what (for example) your partner does or says …that we should accept it and should have self talk that it’s all ok. Last weekend my husband and I had two days where I felt like he was being very short with me, wouldn’t let me answer and then challenged whatever I said. By Sunday I was exhausted…all weekend I was telling myself it’s all how I think about it….I was trying SO HARD to use the model. Near the end of the weekend I just tried to participate by talking less and listening more. I just needed the mental time to be a bit quiet. Monday night he asked me if something was wrong and the dam broke for me. I broke every rule of the model and told him what an ass he was (lol) crying of course the whole time. This, my friend, was not the image of a person using the model! :O But then something happened…he told me I was right. He also told me I’ve been bitchy lately (he’s right) so we both agreed to be nicer to each other…and we have been. I would say every few years in our marriage we have a ‘reset’ like this. When you said that people change in a marriage I felt like you were saying they can change however the hell they want and we should take it or leave it…but isn’t part of deep relationships (friends, family , partners) having others help hold us accountable on how we show up in the world and we doing the same for them? I don’t see how the model accommodates the real, healthy, loving and sometimes hard conversations that happen in a marriage that keep people in touch?