Managing Depression

One of the things I really appreciate Brooke & SCS for is that I have learned tools to manage my mind better and have a better understanding of how to deal with negative thoughts that lead to states of depression for me.

But lately it feels like the negative thoughts and depression are just out of control. I do models on each thought but they just resurface later in the day when I get home and start thinking about my life again.

A lot of the thoughts I have on a daily basis lately are:

– Coaching successfully (paying the bills) isn’t working for me, even though it’s been a passion of mine for years. I’ve struggled so much to even have a monthly income that would pay my bills, nobody seems interested in working with me and I have no idea of what else I would even want to do if this doesn’t work out, which leads me to thoughts of despair and hopelessness.

– I don’t have a support system to lean on when I’m feeling down, which leads me to feeling incredibly lonely and burdened with having to deal with my emotions on my own. (No family, no partner, no close friends, sister is too depressed to be there for me when I need her…)

– I just want to leave the country, travel, find myself and find some relief from the pressure I’ve put on myself to make a living doing what I love. I just want to live a simple, spiritual life where I don’t have to stress about work or money.

– I hired business coaches to help me generate clients (thank God) but now I’ve selected a niche that I’m not super passionate about and I’m worried I’m not going to feel fulfilled doing and eventually (or immediately) sabotage my own success because I’m not really passionate about it.

– Life feels so overwhelming. How am I ever going to build a business, be happy, and be in alignment with my soul’s work and mission if I can’t even make this work right now?

– And lastly, maybe it’s not working for me because I’m suppose to be doing something else. Like maybe I’m following the wrong path and should just give up and go live in a monastery until I’m called to where I’m actually wanted/needed.

So as you can see….A LOT of brain junk there!!! Like I said, I do models on each thought and usually end up with a pretty good Intentional model where I’m like “yeah! I see how my thoughts are creating this and I see how I could create something different if I choose my thoughts deliberately”, but then my brain just goes right back to junktown at a force that feels almost impossible to stop! It’s like I’m having a hard time thinking ANYTHING good about myself or about my life lately!

Why can’t I keep my brain in Intentional Zone longer? Why is it just set on negative, self-destruct mode?? How do I get to a place where I can manage this crazy brain well enough to at least function daily and not experience debilitating depression and anxiety??