I must admit, I am delighted to ask this question tonight!
So what I know 3 months in on scholars, is that the model, and the homework really work. My goal now is to kind of work through the things that I want to clean up, and what thoughts and beliefs (for the most part) I can leave alone.
One of the gray/ in between areas I have is on the concept (ie mental construct/ label that I AM creating) “mansplaining”
I am in industry groups where I am often the only female. Sometimes when I post a question, I get answers to questions that I didn’t ask. Sometimes I even get advice about whether my question is valid, and sometimes, I clarify what it is that I am asking multiple times, and then explain why I am asking the *specific* question that I am asking, and why I am “No thank you’ing” many of the initial answers.
Here’s why I am torn… sometimes when this process happens I am not generating enough patience to see it through the “clarifying” process. Sometimes I delight in showing the answering person the error in their logic or how irrelevant it is to what I asked.
And other times I look at it as a learning opportunity for both of us. Communication skills 101.
Tonight for example, I asked if anyone who uses X program could tell me if X offered a and b services ( like if someone who only coached through Skype came here and asked, “I don’t have Zoom, is there anyone in the group who uses Zoom who can tell me if it has the ability to mirror the video when recording… or can Zoom save call recordings, or something to that effect)
The answer was: (and I am going to use the terms from analogy so that it makes sense) “Mirroring the image in video playback is just a fancy word for flipping the image horizontally, sweetheart. And while Zoom can save your recordings, I don’t know why anyone would ever need to do anything. Many clients, Microsoft, Discovery channel, Fortune 500 companies would laugh at you if you saved a recording and sent it to them. So I wouldn’t worry your head about it”
And then, there are the 2 me’s that want to answer. Rational, prefontal me, that wants to politely “thank him for his input” and get a response from someone else, and then primitive me, who’s itching to type something snarky, like “What does Microsoft have to do with my question? Are we comparing our client lists? Do you need some validation?”
And with everything else in my life that I am working on currently, I am wondering if I can leave this for a phase III sweep of my brain. Maybe for now it’s okay to be kind when I am able, and live with the snark when I am not.
I do know that his words and his client list are “neutral” and that I am the one labeling it as stupid, and condescending.
I definitely want and know that I am and can be a woman who is confident enough in her experience to ask questions, and also not be offended if people don’t magically or telepathically understand that I am not a beginner or a low-level earner in my industry. In fact some day, I hope, rather than thinking thoughts that are irritating, or snarky, that it genuinely provides me with amusement. Like the Prince getting to pass himself off as the pauper for a day and seeing how people really behave.
Hope that makes sense… and thanks for reading.