Dear Coach,
I have a question about the Manual. I’m studying it in the Vault and I understand how expectations leads to manipulation and disillusion and lack of connection. I should set the people free and care of only myself by proposing/requesting without expectations. OK. But let’s take this example: I’m in a relationship and it is my birthday. Something in my life I want to live/experience, even if I already had those feelings associated (feeling loved, cared, share connection) is getting the ‘surprise’ of my husband by celebrating my birthday first thing in the morning. Not for what it would mean for me in my relationship with him, but because it is something I want to experience once in my life. Another thing I want to experience in life is walking under hot monsoon rain.
You may tell me “yeah, but for the birthday, it implies another person you can’t control.” Ok, but I can’t control the monsoon, either.
So my question is, is willing to experience things in my life a Manual? I don’t feel so. I just want to live and experience my own life. But I can’t change my partner every time I’m not having the experience I wish to live. So, is it ok to present my wish to my partner in case it doesn’t come naturally for him or is it a manual? Of course, if he doesn’t understand the importance. As for me, I will feel disappointed, not about him, but because I won’t live that experience this year again and time passes. My example is quite stupid, but it applies for almost everything (a trip, a baby, a home in such a city). At what point should I quit the relationship to avoid quitting my dream (my life) or avoid having a manual for him? Because to avoid the manual we could take boundary instead: If you do this, I will do that. That is, if you do not do something special today, I will go for another relationship! I find this quite horrible, or worst, like blackmail!
So… I’m quite lost with the Manual and the things I want to live in my life. I don’t want to quit my dreams and the experience I want in life to quit the Manual.
Many thanks for your light on this.