Manual for friend


A friend is staying with me for a month. I find myself thinking that I’m really busy with work and my two kids, and that she’s “lazy” and has so much free time she should be pitching in at least a little bit. As the month goes on I’m finding myself getting more and more frustrated with the things she “should” be doing, even though I know intellectually that this is just a manual I’ve constructed for her that isn’t helping me feel better. I don’t know how to start shifting the thoughts that she’s being a bad friend by barely ever pitching in when she’s staying with us for free, eating the food that I buy, etc.

I’m having lots of thoughts, but here’s a model of just one:

C: I cooked for friend, dishes not washed in morning
T: I am obviously much busier than her so she should have washed the dishes
F: resentful
A: wash dishes in a huff before work, spend my morning rushed and angry, contemplate confronting her about it
R: I make myself even more busy by doing it myself

Right now my thought is that I’m not enjoying this experience and wouldn’t agree to have her stay with me again, but I feel like there’s a more positive thought I could land on. Thank you!