Manual of love


Hi! I have recently noticed that on my manual with my boyfriend, I have “I don’t want him to find another woman sexy.” And it disadvantaged me a lot as I am always afraid and jealous and nervous when there is a sexy woman around of course. And plus, I have chosen a man who loves being with sexy women around! And I know it’s also not the model I want to have, it’s just my primitive brain. But it’s very strong. So, I am trying to figure out how to change this on my manuel by the model :
C-My boyfriend.
T-He can’t find another girl sexy.
E- Fear
A- Looking for evidences that he is finding every woman sexy. Looking for evidences that he is having an affair. Finding myself ridiculous. Being obsessed by that question. Not living my own life as I could. Smoking. Nagging him. Don’t trust him. Feeling myself ugly and boring. Speaking bad to him. Speaking bad to other sexy woman.
R-I don’t feel sexy and maybe he’s finding more other woman sexy.

So, an intentional model would be like

C-My boyfriend
T-We both can find people sexy and love each other
E- Love
A- I enjoy my life. I am not afraid of what can happen. I enjoy being with him in company of other woman. I enjoy being with sexy men without hiding myself. Feeling sexy. Having a good and trustable relationship with my love. We respect each others.
R- I feel in love and sexy.

But this model is too high for me. So between, can it be :

C-My boyfriend
T- I am figuring out how to allow us to find other person sexy and feel our love for each other.
E- Compassion
A- Being curious about my feelings. Allowing them. Trying this new thought. Trying to allow space between us. Breath. Enjoying the process.
R- Allowing us a bit more on finding other person sexy and feeling our love at the same time.

It’s a little bit messy I guess. I would love some help to clarify!! Thanks!