Last night my husband got triggered & resentful. He ended up saying some things like he wants a romantic relationship with a woman who wants to do lots of exciting outdoor activities with him, and maybe he should go find himself a girlfriend who wants to go do exciting outdoor activities, and when I’m old and my body’s fallen apart because I haven’t exercised enough, he’s not going to take care of me. I absolutely believe that he wants to feel a certain way, and his brain is desperately trying to find something that will give him that. I also believe that he truly is doing the best that he can and everything that he said was all about him and not about me. But at the same time I’m hurt that he lately says things show a lack of commitment to me. This morning he acted like everything was fine wanting to cuddle and kiss. I told him that I feel unresolved about the things he said last night. I told him that I want to be treated with kindness. I told him that I wish that he felt remorse about the things he said to me last night. His response was, “Sounds like you have a manual for me,” and he walked off. Yep, he does listen to Jody Moore every once in awhile, and sometimes likes to let me know if he thinks I’m not following what she teaches.
Is it really having a “manual” thinking that I would like to see remorse from him in order to feel safe trying to connect with him?