I felt extremely disrespected based on what someone I thought of very highly did to me. After what he did to me (lead me to believe he was not married and that my interest in him was welcome, among other things), I am fine with thinking his behavior was cruel and unacceptable in my world. I do not have contact with this person. I have, however, had a terrible time both identifying and getting over what I made this mean.
After listening to the recent relationship call, and considering that I am in charge of generating the emotions I wanted for myself, the emotions I wanted to feel were loved, valued, cherished, and understood. I am on board with the fact that these are feelings I can create for myself without him/another person.
However, even with this realization, something still didn’t feel quite right- like I was covering up something. And I uncovered it: I feel unwanted. If a person behaves x way, then it means I am unwanted. In my mind, what the behavior really did was reinforce a belief I must have that “I am ‘unwantable.'”
I think that this (mostly subconscious) thought, “I am unwantable” is a recurring thing, and WHY I take things people do that I view to be disrespectful so personally.
If I were “wantable,” people would want me, right? I do not see how an outside person is not required for this to reinforce this belief, I guess.
On the surface, you could look at the example I provided as proof that this man DID want me, but I don’t see it that way at all- certainly not in the purest sense. If he really did want me, and I were worth what it took to have me, he would have me and he would not have someone else.
I know that people have the autonomy to choose whether they “want” me or not- but how can I develop a belief that I am wantable without it requiring the outside criteria that people want me?