Please remind me how to develop relatonships without getting triggered by other people and how to deal with triggering other people.

My specific situation is my relationship with my sister.

I want a loving, joyful, peaceful relationship with my sister.

How do you stay loving and open and allowing them to be who they are, and not changing who you are… while internally having emotional responses…

Do I need to do thought downloads until I run out of unintentional thoughts?

for example, unintentional thoughts

-she shouldnt give me her opinion on every little thing
-she shouldnt be judgemental of people
-she shouldnt be indignant towards others
-she shouldnt be indignant toward me
-she should be more fun and open and relaxed with me
-she shouldnt be so concerned about how she appears
-she shouldnt hang up on me when she gets mad at me

of course she does these things so she should do these things

So would the next thing be to just keep being – to the best of my ability- loving and open and peaceful and joyous and fun loving= just keep being that person- and be patient?