Manuals for friends


Hello coaches, I’d like some clarity around manuals for friends. I live abroad but still have friends in my home country. Some of them I only see or hear from when I reach out to them. If I don’t initiate it, I don’t hear from them at all.

My brain tells me that a relationship should be both ways, that if they don’t reach out on their own then maybe they don’t want to be friends with me anymore and only answer me or socialize with me when I am asking because they don’t know how to say no.

I understand intellectually these are just my thoughts, I can’t know if it’s true. I also understand that this is my manual for them. In my manual, it says it can’t be one-sided, that they must reach out to me once in a while too otherwise I feel we are not really friends.

Do I tell them that I’d like them to reach out to me too otherwise we have no friendship? I have the thought that this is confrontational and it doesn’t feel right…. My tendency is to withdraw and not reach out anymore either, kind of in a passive-aggressive way of since it’s only me that is reaching out I don’t do it anymore either … but that also doesn’t feel right

So how do I get out of this? What is the emotional mature way?