March thought

Dear Brooke and coaches,
I’ve decided that my thought I want to believe is along the lines of – honoring my plans, my schedule and my protocol is my true path to freedom. Ever since I was a child, I’ve had an aversion to any constrictions, restraints, rules, authority, etc. My favorite thing to scream at my parents as a child was “you’re not the boss of me”. I’ve made my own way in life on my own terms but it has its drawbacks. Like always feeling entitled to do what I want, when I want, resulting in a lot of buffering and short term pleasure seeking. And a lot of frustration and anger when I don’t get to do what I want. I find myself now with a desperate desire for plans, schedules, and protocols but also I’m struggling to make and honor them. Sort of like I’m telling myself – you’re not the boss of me but also realizing that actually, yes, I am the boss of me. I’m also doubting that I can be the boss of me. I’m thinking this is like an internal battle between my emotional child and adult. This is going to be a huge challenge so I’d appreciate any feedback or advice you could offer.