Marijuana buffering

Hi Brooke, I’m a long time Podcast listener and new scholar…

For the past 3 months I have been using a tiny bit of marijuana every day. Newly retired, I absolutely didn’t want to get into drinking regularly. I have a history of drinking maybe once a week, but difficult keeping it to just one, more likely two drinks. Unfortunately my body reacts very poorly to alcohol, feeling hungover after two beers, can’t sleep, etc. I thought marijuana might be a safe substitute. I am not drinking at all now and I don’t buffer with food much (I am thin).

And I have so enjoyed the euphoria of marijuana, the glow of seeing myself as lovely, the not worrying, enjoying simple activities and especially being in nature. It is absolutely a break from my anxious self. However, after listening to Over-drinking segments from you (substituting marijuana for alcohol) it is clear that the net is negative. I can tell that my brain is not thinking as well and I was starting to get anxious about getting high, planning it, the secretiveness (shame), the isolation of it.

I miss the buffer, even though it wasn’t working for me in the big picture. Now it just feels like I will never have a break from my negative self, and will just have to slog through as usual. Is there never a reason to seek a buffer? Just to lighten up?

I did re-listen to your Anxiety podcast direction, did the thought download, breathed, described it. I wonder about my anxiety being more of a global body-centered set point for me? Sure I can download negative thoughts, but I don’t think them all the time. I just feel anxious in my body, stomach ache, sadness… Kind of how Echart Tolle talks about the pain body, looking for something to attach it to.

So I quit four days ago. I can tell I am detoxing. And the old anxious self is back with a vengeance. I am sad to feel the semi-depression of normal me, the negative self talk, etc. Any direction would be appreciated.