Marriage Help

I’m at the point of wanting to walk away from my marriage.

We are 11 years apart in age and it seems the older I get the more that difference has made itself known. I was only 20 when we got married. He was my first serious relationship and I honestly think I was just so infatuated I didn’t pay attention to our differences.
He’s got 100% total and permanent disability through the VA, mostly for PTSD, anxiety, stress etc. But lots of other physical issues, chronic pain, arthritis, obstructive sleep apnea, etc etc. He was in the army for 12 years, airborne for 10 of those so lots of damage to his body.

We have 3 kids, an 8 yr old and almost 4 yr old twins. Our biggest issue now is how different our parenting styles are. He’s hypervigilant with them, always needing to know where they are, what they are doing, even in our house. And it’s caused huge issues because it comes out that he thinks I’m not a competent parent because i do things differently than him.

It becomes a problem because his first reaction is always anger or criticism when it comes to how I am as a mom and it’s not just hurtful but it’s exhausting. I’m constantly feeling as if I’m not good enough, or that I’m a bad mom.

Which I KNOW I am not.

I would like him to have more kindness in his voice when he speaks to me.
No hateful comments.
Value my opinions vs pointing out everything he thinks is wrong.
Treat me like an adult and not parent me.
Be easier on the kids, let them do kid stuff instead of being so strict.
Help with the house and do what he says he will. Not waiting till I get angry and do it myself.

Where do I start…