I was recently live coached & I am struggling to understand how you do the work to leave a marriage from a “clean” place when the spouse has talked down to myself & my kids for YEARS. Can I still have the thoughts that “he is an asshole” but I am leaving because I am done or because he has crossed boundaries in how I will allow myself or my kids to be treated? Even if those boundaries have not been spoken out loud or shared with him. Does that still give him the power?
When he says to my son “F You. You can be a lump of shit, then” (& this was said right after my live coaching call…so it is fresh, ugh), it is hard for me to imagine not having negative emotions towards him or continuing to stay. I know it is ultimately my decision to go or stay and when but I am just trying to truly understand where my separation needs to lie in my thoughts about him and my thoughts about our marriage being over.
I will admit that part of me struggles to see my child’s face after words like this come from his own fathers mouth. I ask myself what kind of mom I am to stay and let that kind of talk continue. But then at the same time, I know I can’t be in my sons model…so I get torn between knowing that but still wanting to protect him. Is that a boundary or am I trying to control how my kid feels?
So. Many. Questions.