Marriage Struggles

I am married to my soulmate for over 35 years. I am no longer happy in the marriage. His lifestyle and choices have changed the relationship for me (us)and I am feeling scared for his health, angry for him not making changes to help himself, resentful with knowing that I cannot control him and make him help himself. This all impacts my marriage and has put great distance between us. I will not leave the marriage yet I have been unable to change my thoughts, show up in a loving way, let my love for him be enough because the fear and anger I feel is so strong and those thoughts and emotions always win. How do I help myself (us)?