I have had a few stressful days with petty stuff coming up with my husband. He stated I bother him because I asked him a question when he first woke up. He is more a laid back person while I’m more of the take action type. We had a very rough patch in 2012 which resulted in a separation of 4 months. We have been together for 27 years and I know that it’s not always ideal and marriages change several times over the course of the relationship. I’m now trying to use the model instead of being a basket case like I was before. I need some help with them. I do know that my R is about me and what I’m creating.I notice how my brain goes right back to the separation. It’s so goofy.

C Husband says I bother him
T Here we go – it’s 2012 all over again
F Desperate, Despondent
A Call, text, want explanations
R I create a situation like the previous one because I don’t let things lie and air out

C Husband says I bother him
T Husband’s thoughts about me have no bearing on my lovability or worthiness
F Relief
A Calm down, let the situation lie, take a step back
R I own my own thoughts and actions. I do not try to manipulate the situation