Martyr Syndrome

Hi Brooke –

I am trying to figure out my intentional thoughts to produce the feelings I want. My mind literally goes blank when I try to fill in the thoughts OR actions OR results. I know how I want to feel, but I can’t seem to visualize what the results would look like or the actions I could take or the thoughts I could think.
This happened last week, too. I notice that only happens when I am trying to do models on things that have to do with my husband/kids. Which leads me to believe I have more thought work to do:)

When I am doing a model about my career and co-workers, I am able to get to the thoughts, actions and results much easier.
C: Home/Life
T: I do everything. No one makes a decision or finishes anything.
F: Bitter, angry, frustrated (all are #3 indulgent)
A: Do everything, stomp around, lash out
R: Get stuff done, make everyone else feel miserable, they retract into their own worlds, lots of silent judging in my head

C: Home/Life
F: Connected, organized, valued (connected is #1, organized is #1, valued is #2 – because I realize there is a part of me that still craves that gold star – so it is unwanted, but I needed to feel it to recognize it is still part of my motivation. By the way, no one at my house seems to give a shit that everything is gradually being cleaned and organized, and that’s okay, but….)

Thanks for any guidance or prompts that can help me move beyond my negativity!

– Beth

PS – I have been part of SCS since January…so there is also some “beating myself up” going on here…I can’t believe that I haven’t mastered this part. I am going with this is very advanced thought work:)