May Homework – Model Question – Stuck!

Hi Brooke,

I am struggling with the Unintentional Model for Day 1 of May’s homework. I completed the thought download about myself and then did the download about my husband. He is the person I am focusing on for week 1. We’ve had a very difficult marriage and his behaviors have been a great source of pain for me (verbal abuse, gambling, dictatorial toward children, demeans others, selfishness). As I do the SCS homework and study your materials I am coming to understand that specifically, – it can’t be his behaviors, but rather my thoughts about them that generates my pain. Viewing things this way is a really big mental shift for me to comprehend/internalize and I am still working to come to resolution with this concept. That said….I don’t know how to generate the Unintentional Model.

Here’s what I wrote for the thoughts about other people in my life. “I have many conflicting thoughts around my husband. Many experiences have lead to unhappiness/frustration. He’s difficult and can be intentionally difficult, demeaning and unpleasant. This is a reflection of how he feels about himself. I believe his self love is finally maturing but the absence of it has yielded much ugliness in the past.”

How do I construct the Unintentional Model/Intentional Model at this point.
Please Help!