May Homework on Ex-boyfriend

Hi, my boyfriend of nearly two years broke up with me a few days ago and the very next day I received my May kit with the Relationships topic. It was like the universe’s way of telling me I have some serious work to do in this area. I only wish I gotten this sooner so I might have had a better outcome in my relationship. I’m struggling with blaming myself for losing the relationship because I had a manual for my ex on how much time he should spend with me, however, on some level I know there is more to the breakup than just one thing. A thought I keep having is that his need to breakup with me is more about himself and his own issues than it is about me.

I’ve been doing models but I have so many conflicting thoughts and I’m an emotional roller coaster (devastated, relieved, anger, love, rejected, hopeful…) that I haven’t really been able to figure out what I want my intentional model to be or work on that. There’s a part of me that really wants to continue to have love for him even though he’s hurt me so badly but then it also feels good to blame him and have thoughts that I’m glad he’s gone (even though I’m really not). The only thing I know for sure is I want to learn from this breakup so I can avoid making the same mistakes in the future. I want to work towards peace with this part of my past but at the same time I also realize that this is a situation in the present and I’m actively dealing with the sucky part and I want to feel bad for a little while.

I’m wondering if it’s useful for me to use my ex as one of the people I focus on for one week of homework even though we will most likely no longer interact. It’s only been 4 days since things ended and I don’t think there’s any chance we’ll reconcile but part of me is hopeful that he and I can keep in touch occasionally. I know I can choose to do whatever feels right for me but I’m concerned about getting stuck dwelling on something from the past instead of being focused on the future. If I do use him for homework should I do it now or wait until later in the month when I might be more in control of my thoughts on this? Help!