I did this weeks homework on myself.

What i noticed was that i only love myself when im doing the things i think i should be doing or following the manual i set for myself.

But i theres also the side of me that doesnt believe i deserve any love or praise, so then i dont follow through on the things ive set myself out to do so that i can prove that i dont deserve love and therefore i withhold love from myself.

I try to get myself to love myself more by listing out tasks and shit I should be doing in that week/day in order to be worthy of the love im trying to win- but then i end up overeating or watching TV instead cause id rather escape myself than to do work that i think i should be doing.