Meal Tracking confusion


Hello, I am someone who on and off tracks her food. I want to be someone who “doesn’t overthink food” but when I am not tracking I don’t like my results. I am in constant conflict between tracking and not tracking. My future self doesn’t track food and loves her results, but that is not what I am producing.

C Food Tracking
T I am someone who doesn’t want/need to track
F Free
A overeat
R Weight gain

What I would like to be is
C Food Tracking
T I am someone who doesn’t want or need to track
F Present
A listen to my body, eat when hungry, stop when full, no rules, let weight fall where it may
R I am someone who is ok with not tracking

But I am not really. I don’t like the weight gain. Thoughts?