Yesterday I had an exceptionally bad day (thought, I know). After trying to conceive for 5 months, I found out I was pregnant last week (we were so, so happy). But, yesterday morning I miscarried. I was very upset but decided to honor my plans for the day after going to the doctor – which was a very emotional experience but she agreed I did not have to lay in bed. I had my call with my tutor that afternoon, then headed to take my toddler and niece & nephews bowling. Shortly after arriving, my child ran down the lane (super slippery), fell back in an instant, I ran after him, wiped out bigtime. The kind of fall where the wind is knocked out of you. Had to go to the urgent care for an xray, have bruised my tailbone and sprained my wrist. They asked me things like “are you pregnant?” before the xray which was so upsetting. It was a long, emotionally & physically draining day. (<— more thoughts, I know)
As I fell asleep and then woke up this morning, I’m stuck. Stuck between neutral or even grateful thoughts like:
– I had an unlucky day
– It could of been worse. Thankfully my son was fine.
– Clean drinking water!!
And these types of “searching for meaning thoughts:”
-What was the point of today? Why pile it on me? Physically and emotionally?
– Is there something the universe is trying to tell me?!
When you have days like this, massive shit-shows… I imagine you allow yourself to be upset, cry, grieve loss, but also tell yourself you are strong and can handle it. Do you search for meaning of WHY? or just… this is the 50% negative and there may not be a why?