Mental Combat: Unintentional model v. Intentional model

I have come to realize that one of my unintentional models has me thinking lots of negative things about my spouse and I am frequently experiencing a lot of anger. The results I am getting are not what I want; I am not showing up how I want to be in my relationship.

At first I only realized the unintentional model in retrospect; more and more I am noticing I am running these unintentional model in the moment. Now that I am noticing while it is going on it feels like a tug of war with my thoughts where I will think negative stuff then I remember this is a model and I then think “I love this person”, or something like it, which I do believe, and then I think negative stuff again; and round and round it goes. Generally I am getting the same results as I did before my brain tug of war, the unintentional model seems to be winning.

It feels like I am doing this wrong. Once I realize I have an unintentional model that is not working for me, what is the next step? I am just attempting to change one thought for another which I don’t think is the point, nor is it working. My objective with trying to think intentional thoughts is I want to be counteracting the negative thoughts I am having about my spouse.