Message from my ex are getting me down and I can’t figure out how to move forward


I’m having a lot of thoughts about a past relationship which was emotionally abusive. Me and my ex both have new partners but he is still contacting me on social media. He got in touch again recenly. It’s hard to explain how it makes me feel. His message said ‘How do I get over stuff? Like my mind is completely spinning and I don’t know what to do. I’m really not happy and I don’t know if I can pretend anymore

He has a partner and a support system, it doesn’t need to include me. It brings me down – that probably sounds selfish – but it’s hard to decipher if he’s genuinely feeling down, or if he just wants attention. It puts me in a difficult decision because I dont know if I should reply and listen to what he has to say and try and point him in the right direction, or do I ignore him and hope that he has someone else to talk to if he is genuinely unhappy?

I haven’t spoken to anyone about it. I feel like everyone would just tell me to ignore him anyway.

I think it reignites a lot of feelings and unpleasant memories for me. To see his name and for him to be talking about feeling down, it reminds me of how depressed I was coming out of that relationship and reminds me of all the struggles I’m still facing. I feel like I immediately put my guards back up and shut everyone out. It’s not a nice feeling and I don’t even realize I’m doing it until I sit and think about it and type this to you!

I can see how my thoughts are creating my experience. I just don’t know how to move forward with it.

I’d love your advice.