Messy House

I love having a tidy and clean home. My partner says he also wants that, but he often makes or leaves a mess and frequently leaves things half done (like emptying half of the dishwasher or leaving clean dishes on the counter, leaving laundry in the dryer so everything is wrinkled, leaving cans of seltzer all over the house, losing things). I’m trying so hard to manage my mind on this but I think like an urge I’m just resisting it. Today we were having a nice, normal conversation, and then I stepped in jelly and I yelled at him. I felt bad about it right away, but there was no time to even catch the thought. I was shocked at how intense and angry I was, it did not seem to match the circumstance at all. This is a model from today: C – step in jelly T- F- rage A- yell and swear at boyfriend R – hate myself, feel like I’m getting worse not better. All of my potential thoughts don’t seem to fit and I don’t remember thinking anything. “He’s a child” “who just leaves jelly on the floor?” “He’s thoughtless” “he doesn’t care about our home” None of those make me feel rage and if I made models for them I can see how I’m the child, I make messes too… How can I find the rage thought? Should I focus on intentional models instead? I’m worried it will happen again.