Ok- I did what you said.
You told me to explore my thought of “this is not the real me” and so a model on it. I did, and oh my gosh. Here it is.
C: shopping in the plus size
T: this is not the real me
A: ignores myself COMPLETELY. Does NOT show up for myself, buffers until numb.
R: not showing up for myself or anyone else for that matter.
I didn’t realize how much I’m avoiding the truth. I think I’m a mastered avoidence in my life for sure because I totally missed this one. By a long shot. Man. I realize now that I was thinking that to keep myself ‘safe’ from the harsh truth.
Here are my new thoughts:
C: shopping in the plus size section
T: this is the size that fits my body and that is okay.
F: oddly better. (Even though I still want to cry, I can tell this is definitely more of a TRUTH vs what I was feeling before)
A: buys a new top for work
R: (not sure yet because I haven’t done it yet, but I’m sure I will feel better about showing up)