I am 40 with 2 children ages 10 and 7 and became unexpectedly pregnant. Had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and saw baby’s heartbeat. Spent the next month planning, getting excited and dreaming up a new future only to have all of that come crashing down when I was told there was no longer a heartbeat at my 12 week scan. I took pills to induce miscarriage and ended up hemorrhaging and having emergency surgery. My husband and I will not try to have another baby but I’m having trouble processing all of the emotions that I’m feeling. Some of the thoughts I’m having are – “I want my baby back”, and “I wish this did not happen” and “ I should have appreciated the baby more” and “how did this happen” and what if this is something I could have prevented by being more careful” – I want to believe that it was just not meant to be and I want to focus fully on being a great mom to the children I do have but I feel stuck and sad and I don’t know how to move forward because I am looping on these thoughts. Any advice on how to process what has happened and move forward would be greatly appreciated.