Hi coaches.

So, I really like the idea of developing the skill of talking to strangers. My desire comes from thinking that “new connections and unexpected experiences might open up”.
Now, by thinking this the brain immediately projects in the future where these exciting experiences might be happening.

Here I list some considerations about what’s happening. So on one side:
1 – it seems to me obvious and normal that this happens. The expectation of a future reward is what makes us feel the desire to do something, and anticipating in the present moment part of that reward is what drives us to move towards it, right?

On the other side:
2 – The more I use this projection the more it seems like I use this bright future fantasy (nothing of it is real) to uplift the experience of the current moment, where however I get lost in dreamland and I enjoy less what is already here.
3 – My experience here now seems like it gets necessarily diminished, just because of this projection and the comparison between here and there. How could the brain not make this comparison? It seems to me like a default way our brains function
4 – The example of a model which occurs often when I do not connect:
C: person passed by. felt desire to connect, did not connect.
T: If I interacted a great connection could have happened
F: missing out (attached to that fantasy)
A: spin in possible things that could have happened as a result of that encounter; think about what am I doing wrong; do not focus on the present;
I interpret this missing out as a deep unfairness, I think it is deeply unfair that I am experiencing this missing out

5 – A reason why I choose to keep feeling the missing out is for sure because I think is really the same emotion that would drive, and has driven, a different model
C: person passed by. felt desire to connect, did not connect.
T: If I interacted a great connection could have happened
F: missing out
A: go back interact with him/her
R: connection happens, I express my desire

Regarding this last model, however, there is often the feeling of being in a hurry. “I don’t want to dismiss my desires once more” and “if I don’t take action now the person will be gone”. Am I trying to prove my worthiness by proving to myself I am capable of connecting?

Alright, I’ll stop here, there’s a lot of stuff already. In summarizing, what I obtain emotionally is a mixture of excitement (there is better), missing out (compared to there, here is less) and hurry… and I am thinking that these feelings are signals that I am doing something wrong, that I am taking the fun out of the experience of it. All in all, I feel trapped in dysfunctional emotional states, like a riddle that awareness+questioning+analysis hasn’t helped me figure out so far… any key? Thanks